So many of us go through our daily activities basing our actions on internal scripts composed of engrained thoughts and beliefs. Few of us question those beliefs, buried deep within our subconscious. Sometimes it’s difficult to even realize that you’re basing your actions on those beliefs because their scripts were established before the formation of your autonomy (usually considered formed by age six).
If you grew up in a family where a specific belief was held and expressed, you probably internalized it without even being aware you were doing it. These scripts formed the normative behavior of your family. For instance, when I would go to a friend’s house, I can remember being puzzled about her family’s Schwan’s delivery service.
My friend’s mom kept a chest freezer in their basement that was filled with frozen entrees and treats she’d buy from a nice man who drove a yellow Schwan’s refrigerated van. They also kept a refrigerator in their garage for the snacks and drinks their family would want if they were outside and didn’t want to go “all the way inside” the house to retrieve them from the kitchen refrigerator.
In contrast, our family went to the warehouse food market for groceries. My job during shopping trips was to write the prices in red wax pencil on the cans my mom handed to me from the shelves. The concept of having a second refrigerator reserved only for extra snacks was mind boggling to me.
This may seem like a goofy example, but habits, rituals and norms are the types of things that get entrenched early and are extremely difficult to disrupt and dislodge as we age. Breaking through calcified thought patterns takes consistent effort.
Other scripts are more nefarious and dangerous:
• It will never work.
• Don’t bother trying.
• Money doesn’t grow on trees.
• You’re not as smart/talented as your sibling.
These thoughts and scripts can hobble your present and restrict your future. The good news is, you can begin right now to change your reality.
But how? About twenty years ago, I began the pivot of changing my trajectory from my family of origin to the formation of the family I wanted to have. Six words made this transition possible.
“Everything always works out for me.”
This simple mantra began to dismantle the negative thought patterns in my mind, one synapse at a time. In addition to defusing the negativity bomb(s) in my brain, this six-word sentence also helped decouple the control freak tentacles from my traditional behavior mechanism.
I grew up in a moderately chaotic family, and so my skill as a manipulator became overly developed as a way to control my environment. My desire to project “normalcy” and introduce a form of emotional homeostasis into my topsy-turvy world through manipulating others had made me unbalanced. By way of analogy, imagine what a weight lifter would look like if he only used his right arm during training. One side of his body would be withered, and the other would resemble Popeye’s biceps.
Using this mantra helped me to cultivate a healthy detachment from expectations and established a sense of calm that I had previously not experienced.
I wrote this sentence on sticky notes and put them everywhere: my home, my car, my office, my gym locker. This mantra has become my new reality; my new script. Whenever I sense a flutter of childhood panic enter my thoughts, the mantra kicks in, and my higher self answers. Calmly, implacably, resolutely:
“Everything always works out for me.”
And it does.
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
P.S. Every Sunday, I publish a free weekly newsletter called the 3 Minute Reset, which includes life lessons, life hacks and treats. To subscribe, click here.
