Periodically on this blog, I’ll share a journaling prompt designed to help you dig through the mental matter bouncing around your head. Not all of these exercises may seem applicable, but chances are good they will.

I’ll repeat the following introduction before each exercise, because there may be people joining the process at different points of the process.

INTRO: Journaling is a way to engage the subconscious mind and to allow your inner wisdom to float to the surface of your awareness. By spending just FIFTEEN minutes per day in quiet reflection with yourself, you will be able to uncover your gifts, motivations and opportunities to develop.

Give yourself a week to really get the hang of it. Spend some time learning about your best time for this “inner conference.” Some of us are morning people. Some of us like to write things out right before going to sleep for the evening. Others may look forward to a midday appointment with our own soul. Your journey is YOURS.

You’ll need the following supplies: pen/pencil, paper or notebook, relaxing instrumental background music (e.g. classical or ambient — NO lyrics), tea/water/wine and a timer. OPTIONAL: essential oil (Roman chamomile, lavender or Mandarin Orange are good for focus). Set your timer for 15 minutes and begin.

“There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.” — Albert Guinon

Are you a poor listener? How much are you missing?

I was a precocious child, especially as it related to language and vocabulary. Born with a congenital heart defect, which was corrected surgically by the procedure Tetralogy of Fallot, I logged a LOT of time in hospitals from infancy up through around age six.

The good news? Because of my love for reading and innate bookish-ness, by the time I reached school age, I had already amassed a formidable vocabulary for a child my age.
The bad news? I developed the habit of mentally finishing others’ sentences (including teachers’) when I could tell that (s)he was searching for a word to use. I was a Know-It-All.

Unfortunately, most of the time I guessed correctly, which only reinforced this crippling habit. I say crippling, because it trained me to presume to know what others meant. As a result, I shut out possibilities of what was being said. I missed out on a wealth of knowledge and perspective because I didn’t allow others to share the totality of what they knew.

Once in awhile I still find myself mentally finishing others’ sentences, especially if the person with whom I am speaking talks slowly. When I was in radio, the concept of dead air was a programming fail, so my need to fill verbal vacuums still rears its head on occasion.

You probably already work with or encounter poor listeners every day. These are they who pounce right back into the volley of voices with a pat, shiny sentence that skims the surface of the initial part of your conversation (without considering or hearing what you said after the first few seconds).

Learning how to truly restrain your urge to interrupt or to otherwise squelch or impede the communication of another is central to your growth and evolution as a human being.

“To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the ‘music,’ but to the essence of the person speaking.
You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning.” — Peter Senge

Imagine that you are a huge reservoir for ideas, information and knowledge. In order to prepare a storage space for all of this good stuff, you need to create silence within. Meditation is ideal for learning how to accept silence in your head. Once you learn how to modulate your inner static, you can begin accumulating others’ wisdom through listening.

Conscious breathing is also essential for creating a cadence between and among speakers so that you can create spaces around the various ideas and concepts that are being exchanged. Learning how to use breath as a pause point or centering opportunity also acts as a calming agent so that the speaker doesn’t feel rushed and you as a listener have the opportunity to focus on what is being said.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” — Karl Menninger

The best listening is a dynamic act. It is a symbiotic ebb and flow between and among people, ideally each of whom brings something to the conversation and each takes away something valuable.

I love the concept within this last quote about how listening “creates us.” Even if we keep a journal, or talk aloud to ourselves (on the commute, making the coffee, walking the dog…), it is priceless to have interplay with other people who have their own abilities to discern, listen and offer feedback.

JOURNALING PROMPTS:

• What is your greatest obstacle to effective listening?
• How does being heard make a difference in your business? life?
• When was there a time when you truly felt understood?
• How did it affect your performance or outcomes?

I’d love to know how these exercises are working for you!

P.S. Every Sunday, I publish a free weekly newsletter called the 3 Minute Reset, which includes life lessons, life hacks and treats. To subscribe, click here.