NOTE: Today’s blog is an excerpt from my book, Circuit Train Your Brain/Daily Habits That Develop Resilience.
Writing this book has given a chance to review my relationships and people whose lives have intersected with mine. Your friends fall into different categories, with most of them joining you on your journey for a season or a segment of your life. Very few people have life-long friends, and that’s okay.
Friends appear in our lives as mirrors or support for our own growth. You may have a group of friends who provide a sounding board for child rearing. You may have a group of friends at work who can help navigate the exciting world of office politics. Being part of a group of people experiencing the same struggles and challenges can be a life saver.
Of my friends, there is one woman that crosses my mind frequently. Hers was an amazing combination of class and crass: manicured nails coupled with a sailor’s mouth. She had a huge heart and a sparkling wit.
She went to the hospital one day because her throat hurt and she couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The doctors identified cancer in her lymph nodes that day, and she died four months later. She never left the hospital.
Four months.
A blip. A season. She never saw it coming. I don’t wish to be a Debbie Downer, but one of the best lessons I took away from my friendship with her was to live big; laugh often and love fully.
How about you? Do you have examples of friends who have helped you grow? Today’s exercise is to grab your notebook and take a moment to list some of the friends who have taught you lessons over the years. Now add to the list the friends who are currently in your orbit.
Do you have some friends that you’ve outgrown? Are there “frenemies” in your circle of acquaintances? Make sure that the people you allow into your world are people who love you, support you and encourage you to develop your highest self.
My goal here isn’t to tell you to dump your friends. But if your goal in picking up this book is to change your brain (and by extension, your life), be sure that you are choosing your friends wisely. In a pair of studies involving nearly 280,000 people, William Chopik, assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, also found that friendships become increasingly important to one’s happiness and health across the lifespan.
“Friendships become even more important as we age,” says Chopik. “Keeping a few really good friends around can make a world of difference for our health and well-being. So it’s smart to invest in the friendships that make you happiest.”
So take another look at your list of friends. Which ones help you grow? Which ones drain you? Where can you go today that puts you in the path of others who share your interests?
Finally, make sure that you are being a good friend to yourself. Be mindful of your self talk. Make sure you are feeding yourself foods that nourish you. Get some sleep when you need it.
Say aloud to yourself: “I am worthy of good things.”
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