Welcome to the last week of 2021.
Making it this far is definitely an achievement and something worth celebrating. New Year’s Day is traditionally a time when people set goals and intentions, designed to shape and change their lives. Like most people I know, including Yours Truly, they prefer to know where they are going.
To use a hiking analogy: using a compass keeps us on course; and when visiting a new city, we rely on maps. There is a comfort and a reassurance in knowing the way. When forging a life, however, things are not always so cut and dried.
Some of us follow the maps our parents or family expectations set: attend the same college they did or inherit the family business. And sometimes, those expectations are in sync with who we are. Sometimes, they’re not.
If you have ever felt the stirrings of unrest or dissatisfaction in regards to where you are along the great flow chart of life, congratulations. That means that your compass works. It is good to feel lost.
“It proves you have a navigational sense of where ‘Home’ is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn’t that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.” — Erika Harris
It’s a bit reverse-engineered, but essentially, Erika’s quote as I understand it means that knowing that you’re not where you wish to be is the first step in getting there. That gut feeling means that you are in touch with your core (whether you refer to your core as a soul or your higher self). Your life’s work is to listen to it and get better at responding to it.
There are a few diagnostic tools you can use to refine your compass. These include practices like journaling, meditation, exercise and yoga. Each discipline is a means to excavate, activate and develop your ability to assess, measure and quantify what’s going on under the hood, so to speak.
In order for you to progress as an individual, it is vital that you devote at least 15 minutes a day to one of those four activities (either separately or more than one). For myself, I do all four every day. This is another great quote from James Thurber, a cartoonist whose work appeared in the New Yorker Magazine, that illustrates what I’m talking about:
“All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.”
During your daily 15 minute sessions (whether journaling, yoga or taking your walk), start out by stating your intention for that day’s efforts. For example, if you’re journaling literally write out, “Why do I not understand this particular problem?” (something that you’re facing or a challenge) along the top of your page. Then watch your brain unspool along the page as you answer yourself. It’s exceedingly bizarre, and I can’t explain how it works, but if you persist in asking yourself questions, you’ll actually answer yourself if you honor those 15 minute commitments to yourself each day.
• If you are feeling stressed or tense, force yourself to get up and walk around the block.
• Use the copier on the second floor (if you are in an office).
• Find an empty office and do Office Yoga—exercise will jump start your brain and solutions will appear.
The key is to remain consistent in your efforts, regardless of how busy you may be. If you are too busy for yourself, you will always keep a portion of your brilliance and potential dormant.
That concept is so important, I’m going to say it again: If you are too busy for yourself, you will always keep a portion of your brilliance and potential dormant.
Bringing things back to the beginning of today’s post and the topic of following family maps, I’d like to share one last quote, one from writer Anna Quindlen:
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
This is the kicker. You aren’t your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, the Black Sheep or The Hero of your family. You are YOU, and you’re already perfect (as is). You are the singular expression of your own hopes, dreams, talents, foibles (or mistakes) and aspirations.
This coming year, make the commitment to yourself to begin becoming yourself. It will be a chaotic and exhilarating exercise, but it’s worth it.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments: Have you every learned a lesson about yourself? How did you discover it? What did you do with the information?
Lots of questions, right? This blog isn’t intended to add one more stressor to your life, so don’t feel as if you must comment. If you do feel comfortable, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Remember to be kind with yourself. The “grinding and hustle” culture annoys me.
Think about what you want to become, why you want to become it, why it’s important to you and what drives you. The answers are your fuel for the journey.
P.S. Every Sunday, I publish a free weekly newsletter called the 3 Minute Reset, which includes life lessons, life hacks and treats. To subscribe, click here.
