Today I’m going to share with you a little bit about the background of the establishment of the nonprofit I established, and a little bit about what it’s like to take risks. By way of illustration, I’ll share with you two different quotes from two different people about the same type of thing.
The first quote:
If you are anyone who has ever tried something new, or you are an entrepreneur, you’re probably familiar with the quote “The Arena.” When I say The Arena, you may already be thinking of one or two different people. The first one is probably going to be Teddy Roosevelt. Just in case you’re unfamiliar with the quote, I’ve included it below. The full text is referred to as The Man in the Arena. But because I’m female, I prefer to refer to the person in the arena.
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong person stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust, and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
That quote has been among my favorites for as long as I can remember — literally from childhood I remember that — because it always seemed to stir something in me. I felt as though someone understood how it felt to be willing to risk something, even if you didn’t think you would succeed.
The other quote is more recent. It’s from an author and speaker by the name of Brené Brown:
“If you are not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
I encountered this quote later on in my journey while I was in the middle of developing the nonprofit. When you’re someone who is starting something, or you’re building something — you are in there in that arena — it’s really frustrating having to listen to people on the periphery (or people who are in the stands, so to speak) the critics, or the people who are there to throw rocks, without actually offering solutions or assistance.
These armchair quarterbacks are people who give you feedback when they are not risking anything. They’re not risking anything and they are not investing anything.
An analogy: it reminds me of moving day. Have you ever been moving something heavy, like a sofa or a mattress into a house? There’s usually somebody who’s leaning against the bed of the truck, drinking a soda or a beer while you are trying to figure out how to get the furniture into the house. The leaner is offering suggestions, but not offering to pitch in. For me, when I was in the middle of trying to grow the organization and fielding these suggestions, I would think to myself, “Either pick up a corner of the sofa or I don’t want to hear your advice.”
My philosophy very much echoed Brené Brown’s quote and really resonated with me. If you’re not willing to actively help me pick up this sofa and carry it into the house, I really don’t care what you have to say.
It sounds awful, doesn’t it?
I know for those who haven’t ever been in the middle of the arena, to say something like that sounds extremely arrogant. But if you have been on the other side of the sofa, so to speak, if you’ve been in the arena, if you’ve risked everything that you have to bring something into existence? Believe me, you’re going to want to have someone who is willing to be there in the arena with you building, or fighting, or creating with you.
To that point, I want to talk a little bit about when I did establish the organization, back in 2010, I invested my life savings, a severance package and a divorce settlement.
I didn’t invest my money in the stock market.
I didn’t put it in a mutual funds.
I invested it in other women.
I bought cars, and websites, and computers and other things designed to bring the fledgling organization into being. My life would be a lot different now if I hadn’t done that. I don’t know what it would look like. Would I have a comfortable retirement portfolio? Would I be traveling around the world? Would I have remarried?
When you consider the poem by Robert Frost, I took the road less traveled by, and it has made all of the difference. In choosing to risk, you do your best, you make choices and you see what happens.
In my opinion, my investment in the organization did pay off.
I would never be in Chicago if it weren’t for that decision. The women who received vehicles would not have futures with this level of autonomy. Their children would be in different places. All sorts of earning capacities for these individuals would not exist if they weren’t awarded the vehicles were provided by the organization. A lot of lives were changed by my decision to invest in that organization, as opposed to investing my time, talent and treasure elsewhere.
When you build something or when you start something (your own business, a nonprofit, or go out on your own to do something different), understand that by choosing this path, you are going to have critics. However, there’s a difference between someone who’s a critic and someone who’s a builder.
• Critics only understand destruction and don’t offer solutions.
• Builders understand that removal of elements that aren’t working create space for solutions that contribute to success.
I would encourage you to go out and find your builders, learn to ignore your haters and listen to people who have failed. In so saying, don’t automatically heed their advice, because what worked for them may not be applicable for your situation. But definitely listen to what lessons they gleaned from their failure. Because in so doing, you are going to be able to draw from their experiences something that may help you.
It might not be the exact lesson. It may not be the exact takeaway. You may take their information and apply it differently in finding your own solution. Here are places where you can find fellow builders:
• Meetup — Especially if you live in a larger area, Meetup is a great online community hub where you can do a search for your topic.
• LinkedIn groups — Search for different areas of study or different organizations that might be organizations (professional and nonprofit) needing volunteers or mentors. Also on LinkedIn, alumni associations for your college provide a ready-made community of builders. There is usually a website connected to alumni groups, but if not, call or email the college and ask about outreach opportunities.
• Chambers of Commerce — This is a great place to find volunteer opportunities, or committees that might have builders that are in your interest area. Chambers of Commerce are oftentimes able to connect you with the group SCORE, an association of retired executives who are more than willing to meet with you to go over things like business plans, or to take a look at what you want to do, or to help you build advisory boards.
In Chicago, there’s an an organization called The Women’s Business Development Center. If you don’t live in Chicago, check out their website and do a quick Google search to see if there’s something similar to their organization in your area.
One last thing: If you’re in the middle of something and feel as if everyone has advice to give, but no actual help, I encourage you to stick with it. Reach out to people who are also building. A note: know that even if you ‘fail’, you will already have won by trying. I know that sounds trite, but it’s absolutely true.
I can promise you, you’re going to never regret being someone who tried.
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