One of the founders stories I share within my book, Circuit Train Your Brain, is how I faced eviction not once, but twice within the first five years of my moving to Chicago in pursuit of scaling the nonprofit I had established.

Part of my next book is unpacking how those experiences happened. Under-earning was one reason; my lack of focus was another. There are many other reasons, and I’m still sifting them out.

During a particularly perilous time in 2017, I was three months’ behind in rent. My pantry was pretty bare, and I was wearing my parka to bed so that I could keep the furnace at 50ºF during a Chicago winter to save money on utilities.

I was living smack dab in the middle of Peak Scarcity Mindset: population, me.

Because I work in media, I was (and am) often sent free passes for cultural events here in Chicago. It was during one of these events, sitting in the plush, velvet seats of the Roosevelt University’s Auditorium Theatre that one of my friends looked me dead in the eye, and asked, “What’s going on?”

With a mixture of relief and deep shame, I blurted out five years’ worth of pent up fear and lack, explaining to her my financial straits. She listened without judgement, then when I was through, reached into her handbag and handed me a bag of salted peanuts. “Eat that,” she said. “…and then we can figure out how to help you get though this.”

She ended up launching a GoFundMe on my behalf. Through her efforts, I was able to raise a little over $6,000, which brought my rent and utilities current, and allowed me to fill my larder. Through the GoFundMe, there were also people who, while they didn’t donate money, made time in their schedule to hold mock interviews with me to help hone my career goals, updated my resume and made introductions to potential employers.

Her kindness provided a lynchpin from which I was able to stabilize myself—mentally, spiritually, physically and financially. While there have been subsequent financial curveballs (looking at you, COVID-19), I have never again experienced that level of financial despair.

It was a miracle, as far as I’m concerned.

Speaking of miracles, for what it’s worth, I seldom talk about my faith. I think we’re all God. Each of us is an expression of the Divine. Taken from a secular perspective, I think we’re all a manifestation of energy. In so saying, I don’t presume to know what pilots and animates our carbon suits. I only know what it feels like when inspiration, love and kindness manifest themselves in my life—I ascribe those feelings to that supernal unifying Element.

I recall a sermon about a woman meeting Christ at the well and asking for living water. Especially in springtime, many of us envision the resplendent, risen Christ of Easter when we think of God. We don’t think of the vulnerable, dusty, tired man-as-Lord who sits by a well, asking a village woman for a drink. Our strength and ability to be more Christ-like lies with our vulnerability.

I am terrible at asking for help, although I’m getting better at it. Having my friend organize my life-changing GoFundMe was on the one hand, a relief, and on the other hand, a crushing admission of my own failure and stupidity.

Life is weird. Paradox is a hoot. We’re all just a work in progress.

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