Just in case you needed to hear this today, it’s okay to be selfish. Women, in particular, are conditioned to be givers, peacemakers, feather-smoothers, and people pleasers. Most, if not all of these expectations are based on the sentiment that it’s not good for women to be selfish, or that being selfish is bad. The messaging is so relentless and pervasive that it’s easy for the distinction between selfish and self care can be difficult to ascertain.

Some random thoughts about how this conditioning affected me:

• I know how it feels to be betrayed by people I trusted with my weakness.
• I know how it feels to give … and give … and give… waiting for someone to recognize my value.
• I know what it’s like to be allergic to the word ‘no.’
• I know what it’s like to give more than I have, hoping that a miracle will provide what I need.

The simple truth is, no one is going to save you. The sooner you realize that, the faster you can build your life from a firm foundation. Whenever we construct our “security house” on someone else’s real estate, we’re setting ourselves up for inherent instability.

Giving from a perspective of lack is doubly draining, because we’re tapping a source that empties at double the rate. If we haven’t reserves enough to sustain ourselves, we’re not going to be able to help others.

Again: It’s okay to be selfish.

You probably already know some of the cliches:

“Put your own oxygen mask on first.”
“You can’t draw water from an empty well.”
“Tend your own garden.”*

*Technically, that last one has been used as an example of minding one’s own business or taking care of one’s own flaws before attempting to “fix” another, but I also view it as a call to focus on our own needs. When we spend our energetic capital on “fixing” others, we’re not building ourselves.

Today, make sure that you are feeding yourself — literally or metaphorically.

By the way: YOU are the one who can save yourself.

P.S. To subscribe to my free weekly newsletter, book a coaching session and more, click here.