Each of us is a reflection of the people we choose to allow in our orbit. It’s a premise that certainly isn’t new, as you are probably familiar with the phrase, “birds of a feather flock together,” or the quote from motivational speaker Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
One thing that’s consistently true: our self-esteem and feelings of worthiness are directly related to those who we spend time with (whether digitally or offline). In order to develop mentally, spiritually and physically, those people must embody the following personas:
• The Opposite: This person balances your energy. If you’re naturally kinetic, this person will be more purposeful in her actions. If you’re generally methodical, your opposite will be more spontaneous. He may be the person who texts you with a last-minute invite to a show or an event.
• The Twin: This person sees the world through the same or similar lens as you. She may have a common upbringing. He may share cultural references or generational markers. Your Twin serves as your discernment barometer. She can reflect back to you assessments that align with your point of view.
• The Mirror: This person serves as your third-person perspective. Her talent is in reflecting back to you in non-judgmental terms what she sees. He is able to paraphrase or restate situations you may find yourself in as a way to dispassionately examine your options. James Baldwin’s quote, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced” applies here. Your mirror helps you face things as they are.
• The Sponge: This is the person who just absorbs. He is the shoulder you lean on. She is the person who answers the phone at 3:00 in the morning when you call. This person will seldom offer input or advice, as they understand their role is to serve as your “thinking out loud” audience. By the way, it’s not unusual for this “person” to be your pet.
• The Critic: This person plays Devil’s Advocate. She is the loving “what about” advice offerer. He is your Blind Side who empathetically points out things you may be missing or overlooking. A key attribute in this person is their lack of judgment in their appraisals. They want the best for you. A true critic does not destroy, but builds. Be careful not to confuse a critic with a naysayer.
The underlying attribute in all five of these individuals is that they love and support you. It is they who see your highest self, and recognize your possibility without dismissing your present. If these people aren’t in your life right now, you can find them in places where loving, kind, intelligent people gather.
Look for incubators for start ups, nonprofits that focus on capacity building, message boards that focus on your area of interest. Send out a toot or an update on your favorite social channel, requesting the friend category you’re missing (using any appropriate hashtags that serve as digital breadcrumbs for people to find you).
Spoiler alert: You’ve already started your search by reading this post!
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