When I first moved to Chicago, I tried online dating. It had been an effective method of meeting people in years prior (generating a husband, who is now an ex), so I felt comfortable using the internet once again to search for my next boyfriend-potential-husband.
The sheer population difference of a metro area the size of Chicago in comparison to where I had lived in Iowa meant that I had a chance to meet not only a larger number of men but a greater diversity of individuals.
On one date, in particular, I was asked if I had ever been in love. In retrospect, it seems like a pretty heavy question for a first date, but I answered him nonetheless. “I think so, but then, the nature of love expands, and so when I look back, I’m not sure.” After a pause, I finished by saying, “It’s probably safe to say that I thought I was in love at the time.”
Here comes the orange juice analogy, and the rest of my answer to this guy.
When I was a little kid, orange juice was made from frozen concentrate at our house. When my mom assigned me the task of making juice for breakfast, I can remember peeling the plastic seal from the metal end, squishing the orange mass of pulpy concentrate into a pitcher before adding a few cans of water. Stirring it thoroughly before placing it squarely on the kitchen table, that’s what I knew orange juice to be.
When I got older and would visit friend’s homes, their orange juice came from a carton labeled, “not from concentrate,” and contained various degrees of pulp. This juice was different from my early childhood experience. This orange juice was fresher, a bit more tart, and the pulp gave it a different texture. “So this is what orange juice is supposed to taste like!” I can remember thinking.
Boy, had I been missing out.
As an adult, I began to travel, spending time in four-star hotels, both here in the states and in Europe. Ordering room service and getting freshly squeezed orange juice with my breakfast was a far cry from its frozen concentrate cousin of my childhood. It was incredible! Light and tangy, this orange juice was the gold standard of what orange juice should be.
Boy, had I been missing out.
It’s a similar situation when considering our encounters with love.
Over the years, I have been fortunate to have had a few relationships that taught me different aspects of being in love. Between boyfriends and marriages, I’ve had my heart broken twice. There were other relationships that ended without heartbreak, but all were opportunities for me to learn not only different qualities of love, but they also helped me set my standards higher so as not to accept less than what I knew love could be.
This answer seemed to annoy my date. But that’s okay, because sometimes we answer questions not for the benefit of others, but for ourselves. His question gave me an opportunity to consider my own journey.
It taught me to see relationships as a misalignment, realignment and refinement. With each parting, I’ve been able to see what I learned (sometimes it took awhile), and applied it forward in my evolution as a person.
Refreshing, right?
P.S. Every Sunday, I publish a free weekly newsletter called the 3 Minute Reset, which includes life lessons, life hacks and treats. To subscribe, click here.
